Part of my heart wanted to jump up and down because he saw how hard I had worked to raise them, but another part of my heart sunk because I wondered how many of our sons have no vision for being a father and no idea what the role of a father looks like. I believe there are ways that we can give this vision to our sons and help them in the journey to be PRESENT, FAITHFUL FATHERS.
• Focus on their destiny and not the current problems and help them do the same.
We can begin to give our sons a vision for their future as fathers. When my sons entered into adolescence I began to ask them what men they noticed as being good fathers. I didn’t stop there, I would then ask them why they thought that man was a good father, what was it about him that they recognized. Once my son said, “The way he treats his wife makes him a good father.” Another time they said that one of the church leaders who talked highly of his family lived it out. Our sons have the ability to notice godly character and figure out what kind of men they want to be. Ask your sons questions to help them develop their understanding of a godly father.
• Validate their emotions and feelings even if you don’t understand them.
One thing that I have learned over the years is that men/boys think differently than I do. I have to admit, growing up in a single mother family with only a sister, I did not have the opportunity to understand men and when I married it caused a lot of problems. As my boys grew, I discovered just how little I understood the way they thought, processed, felt and displayed their emotions. I had to learn to give them freedom to express them in a way that was comfortable for them. I could not conform them to my mold.
• Hold on to truth, bind it to your forehead, pray it aloud, sing it over your sons, dance to it, and rejoice in it.
Isaiah 54: says: “your sons will be taught of the Lord and their well-being will be great”. He says, “I am Father to the fatherless”. And in Jeremiah 29:11 we are told that God “knows the plans He has for us”.
He has plans for our sons, He is their Father and He will teach our sons and their well-being will be great.
Anchor your soul and emotions on these verses and others. When my boys would take a seemingly wrong turn, I would calm my heart by remembering who God is and His promise over them. For each of my children I have individual scriptural promises that I believe God has given me that I speak over them. When I write to them, I jot down a part of the verse. When they are in trouble, I remind them of God’s promise over their lives. His Word is alive and we can use it!
• Help your sons learn the Father’s voice.
This is by far the greatest way we can help our sons succeed as fathers, but it means work for us. It means we have to know the voice and leadership of the Father, it means we have display before our sons what it means to hear His voice and follow His voice. We can learn who the Father is, how He leads, and His character in the Word…so we have to be IN the Word and lead our sons to that place of knowing His voice.
I see my boys tossed about in the world and culture, I see them stumble and sometimes fall, I see them make poor choices as well as amazing ones. At the end of the day I fall into bed at peace because I know they know the voice and leadership of their Father, and when they finally take the time to ask Him…He shows them the way.
There is no cut and dry model of what a father is suppose to do or look like. We can only point our sons to The FATHER and help them know His leadership.
What are some additional ways to encourage your son to be a faithful, steadfast father?
By Misty Honnold
Mother of 2 adult girls, 2 adult sons & 2 amazing NEW sons (married to daughters)
1 Corinthians 13 Parenting Team Member
Executive Director and Founder of The Single MOM KC
Hostess of Mocha Moments For The Single MO
Previously posted August 15, 2015 on 1Corinthians13Parenting.com.