We have a special guest blogger today, Angela Mackey. She is writing about sex. Yep, she is going to help us talk to our kiddos about it. She is a nurse, seminary student, a mentor mom , and a homeschooling mama. Read her excellent practical advice.
Lori & Becky
But in our society sex is everywhere. If we fail to teach our children about sex someone else will. Then our children will not see us as an authority to ask their questions, but as irrelevant.
So how and when do we have “the talk?”
1. We must think about our thoughts, attitudes, and experiences with sex. How do we want their experiences and feelings toward sex to be the same or different? What is the purpose of sex? You may need to deal with some sin in your life.
2. We also ought to search Scripture to determine what God – the Creator of sex – designed sex for.
3. Stop thinking in terms of “the talk.” Instead think in terms of an on-going age appropriate conversation.
4. Be ready to answer questions early. Children often become inquisitive about body parts, and how babies get in mommies tummies around ages 3-5. At this age consider saying, “God takes a little bit of the mommy and a little bit of the daddy and put it together in the mommy’s womb. And the baby grows there. Did that answer your question?”
5. Always use the correct names of body parts with your children. This not only helps set you up as an expert, but also helps your child accurately report inappropriate touch.
6. Use teachable moments. If a commercial comes on T.V. that brings up questions or if your children see a public display of affection in a mall be prepared to talk about sex or appropriate touch in relationships.
7. Consider using a book series designed to help you teach your children about sex. My favorite series is called God’s Design for Sex. It will help you develop the vocabulary and age appropriate ways to answer questions.
8. Be sure to not convey that sex is somehow dirty or wrong. God designed it not only for procreation and pleasure, but also for building strong communities by building strong marriages and thus strong families.
9. If you feel awkward discussing sex with your children admit it. Otherwise your kids may interpret your emotions and think sex is shameful.
10. Remember sexual intercourse is only part of the story. As your child grows older it is important to discuss masturbation, oral sex, pornography, fondling, and more. I teach my children that sexual pleasure is intended to be between a husband and wife to build a strong marriage, a strong family, and thus a strong community. Therefore sexual pleasure gained outside of the marriage relationship is not part of God’s plan.
There are many ways to approach the topic of sexuality with your child. I encourage you to be open, frank, and make sure you explain things in an age appropriate manner. It is never too late to open the lines of communication about this important topic.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
How have you handled talking about sex with your children? What has worked and what hasn’t?
Angela Mackey is a stumbling child of God who longs to make much of her Savior. Her day jobs include being a wife, mom, registered nurse, homeschool teacher, writer, and speaker. Always ready for a challenge she is working on her Masters of Biblical and Theological Studies from Knox Theological Seminary. Angela loves college basketball especially the Kansas Jayhawks and is an assistant martial arts instructor. She writes for The M.O.M. Initiative and Encouragement Cafe. Angela would love to connect with you at her own blog Rethinking My Thinking, on Facebook, or on Twitter.