Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting a good portion of my new girlfriend’s family and friends….all at once. Now, I’m pretty solid when it comes to handling my own in situations like this, but I will admit this evening did catch me a little off guard. Despite mentally preparing for the obvious onslaught of questions that lay ahead, I foolishly did not remember to guard myself in areas of my life that I should have known would have come up in discussion─ primarily with my own family. As the inquiries flew in from seemingly every angle, the stark contrast of her upbringing and mine came fully into the light and I could feel myself receding into a defensive shell. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time with everyone; but it did show me that there are issues from my past that despite multiple attempts to lay them at the altar and forgive, these wounds are ones that run deep and are obviously still a touchy topic for me.
Here are a few examples:
– She comes from a Christian family…I do not.
– Her family is intact…mine never was.
– Her family actually enjoys getting together…mine does it out of obligation.
– Jesus is Lord in her family…He’s barely on the radar in mine.
– Finally, her dads’ (plural because that includes biological and multiple pseudo dads) genuine concern for her well-being and our relationship…my dad is caught up in his own world and I am pretty sure this will just be another chapter in my life that he skims by.
I have been a father for eight years and a Christian for a little over seven. In that time I have been absolutely blown away by the indescribable love, grace, and healing that God offers us His children every single day. I was on my way to being a deadbeat dad, but Jesus has made me more into a man and father than I ever could have done on my own. It is only through Him alone that I continue to die to self and walk further and further away from the earthly lineage that has held me down for so long. So do these issues need to be addressed? Absolutely. I am working on that. But the only real issue here is, will I allow the enemy to wrap me up in something that has already been defeated and negate my responsibility to raise my own family in Christ? When Jesus said, “It is finished” on the Cross, I believe that meant our permanent adoption into God’s family too. THAT is the truth and hope I cling to as I witness generational curses become generational blessings in my life.
…for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable,
that is, through the living and enduring word of God.
1 Peter 1:23
Parents, are you allowing wounds from your past to control your own family relationships today?
Dad of a daughter
1 Corinthians 13 Parenting Team Member
Founder of “A Father’s Walk”
Author of A Father’s Walk: A Christian-Based Resources for Single Fathers.