Last night, the kids gathered for dinner as I finished preparing the pasta. One kid started picking out pieces of the salad and another fished out the toasted pine nuts to snack on before the meal was served.
In a moment of hurry and frustration, I lashed out, “That’s it! You loose your phone for the night!”
“Mom, it’s pine nuts,” my daughter logically reminded me.
Pine nuts. Not a major!
Anyone else get caught up majoring in the minors? In the stress and busyness, I find myself focusing all too often on the minor things…clean rooms, brushed hair, pine nuts!
In order to focus on the majors, first I need to identify what makes something a major. What are the big picture goals I have for my kids? What character qualities do I hope they develop? What good habits do I hope they will establish?
Once I identify my parenting goals, I need to spend my time talking about them. Instead of asking, “Did you make your bed?” I can ask, “Did you take time to pray this morning?” What I spend time talking about is what my kids will perceive to be most important.
Another way to identify a major is to ask, “Will this matter in the light of eternity or even 10 years?” If the answer is yes…it’s a major. If no, its another thing to let go! Pine nuts. I can let it go. Even blue hair or a pierced nose…not a major. Drugs and drinking…a major. Now when I have saved my “no” for the major, it is more effective and powerful!
We have a God who loves us enough to not control our every move. He gives us rules for our good. He gives us freedom to desire a relationship with him. We need to give our kids, especially our teens this same space to grow, make decisions, learn from mistakes and choose a relationship with God and hopefully us. Focusing on the majors is one way to encourage a safe and healthy parent relationship.
Our citizenship is in heaven
and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
What are the majors I want to focus on today with my kids? What is a minor I want to let go?
By Heather Larson, M.A.
Wife to Peter
Mom of three
1 Corinthians 13 Team Member
Associate Director of 10 Great Dates
For more thoughts about parenting teens, check out She’s Almost a Teenager, Essential Conversations to Have Now