With the recent release of The Daddy Gap, my coauthor Dawn Walker and I are already praying that this book doesn’t just move people to action when it comes to single parents and fatherless children, but rather, that it becomes a movement across our nation of restoring anyone who has suffered from “father wounds” in their own life to find healing and reconciliation through the cross. As I point out in the book, “It does not matter how long a man remains fatherless, the fact is he will continue down an unnatural path of despair unless he is acted upon by an outside force─ that force being another man or God Himself.” And as Dawn points out, “If you are reading this book, I believe the greatest lie you have believed is this: If I don’t matter to my father, then I must not matter to God.”
In other words, there are still millions of men and women out there who are walking around in adult bodies, but are carrying the scars of childhood to this day.
I have seen it myself. Strong, rich, and “successful” men (some well into their 50’s) who seem to have it all from a worldly point of view, but are just little boys on the inside and grasping for their father’s approval─ which never seems to come. And for the countless women and mothers out there whose daddy issues are hindering them from experiencing healthy marriages, relationships, and joy, the same applies.
Our fathers in one way or another have the ability to make us or break us as adults.
As devastating as earthly father wounds can be, I believe an even greater tragedy is separation from our Heavenly Father. Surely there are plenty of individuals who grew up with loving and supportive parents; perhaps they even attended church their whole life. Yet, having knowledge of God’s Word and the principles of church will never compare to the love, security, identity, and feeling of self-worth that a personal relationship with Christ will. As Dawn so beautifully summarizes in the book, “[Jesus] isn’t the one who ran off and left you with all the responsibility. He isn’t the one who lies to you just to get what He wants…And He isn’t the one who broke your heart. He desperately wants you to know who He is. He’s the one who drops what He is doing and comes running when you’re in trouble. He’s the one who not only knows your hidden dreams, but the one who planted them in your heart before you were born…Above all, He’s the one who laid down His life to save yours.”
If in fact you have not made peace with your own father, it may be because you have not made peace with God yet either.
The Bible tells us that if we believe in our hearts and confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord we will be saved (Romans 10:9). The bottom line is we cannot begin to treat the “symptoms” of a daddy gap until we address the core issue first. If any of the above applies to you, then TODAY can be the day of closing the hole in your soul that has wreaked havoc for far too long and to open you up to a love you may have never known existed. You can, now and forever, have the Father you’ve always wanted, and who has always wanted you.
…but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom we have now received the reconciliation.
Romans 5:11 NKJV
Have all of the “daddy gaps” in your own life been filled yet through Christ?
By Matt Haviland
Dad of one daughter
1 Corinthians 13 Parenting Team Member
Founder of “A Father’s Walk”
Author of A Father’s Walk: A Christian-Based Resource for Single Fathers
and co-author of The Daddy Gap